Currently writing this as I put my 4 month old to sleep. Sitting on our bed, in a dimly lit room, humming lullabies to drown out the sounds of my husband trying to put our older children to bed. I feel so bad for him as bedtime becomes a game because our kids are so tired they are fighting to stay awake. I also don’t feel so bad because this is my life almost everyday he is at work. We both feel bad for the kids but try our best to stay cool.
Trying to stay calm and show our kids how to be the best humans we can, but feeling like we fail so many times. Before the pendemic our oldest was attending preschool and cooking classes, our middle child was going to a open playtime at the community center gym. My mom took the girls a few times a week for a couple of hours so I could play catch up and bond with our newborn. When we went into Social Distancing and lockdown mode everything stoped and each passing week things got harder and voices got louder. Our situation is still better then most and I feel so lucky that we have help available anytime we need it, but the pressure of trying to manage on my own creeps up more then me reaching out. I tell others for a living to ask for help and not to feel like they need to do things themselfs, but my little voice is so much smaller to myself.
My weekly escape has been a parking lot mom meet up every Sunday morning, followed by a weekly shopping trip for our food. It’s just me and the baby for 4 or more hours and no loud voices. With out this time away I don’t think I would be handling things even this well. Hubby luckly understands this and very supportive. I have also started going earlier to start finishing my last steps for school.
We are now including my parents in our bubble and this week they did a sleep over for each of the girls. This made the week so much easier and I got to do something special with each of them. It’s been hard to explain to a 2 year old and 4 year old what is happening, why we can’t do things and how long it’s going to be. We have been managing. Lots more cuddles and kisses as well as family time. We enjoy spending time as a family but once the screaming starts and not listening to simple instructions, then the anxiety kicks in again.
Going into our third month of BC’s covid and definitely missing all of the things we had planned to do. It’s all starting to hit us and the reality that our children and other family are missing out on so much. This is definitely the worse part of the pendemic. In April we had planned to visit our family in England. Luckly hubby’s parents got to visit before everything happened, but it was only a week long. Our original plan was to go for Easter and stay about a month with them. We also were to spread the ashes of my husband’s grandmother who died late last year. Now we are just continuing weekly video chats. We get daily updates on what happening over there and we try to send photos and videos of the kids. But it’s not the same.
Our older two were both born in spring, so birthday parties were also cancled. Our middle one did not notice and was very happy with what she got. Our older one however will notice. Her birthday is next week and originally her party was going to be a big party camping with all her friends. We lucked out that provincial campgrounds are opening up as of June 1st but still had to cancel because we can’t have a party. New plan is to join my parents for just the day and celebrate just with our bubble. She still gets a fancy cake, play in the forest, eat marshmallows and have a fun party. But…. Not having her friends around will definitely be hard.
Coming up with little ways to keep things together. At night hubby and I watch a few different shows together and have a beer/cider. I have been doing workout challenges with some of my mom friends. Car park dates and social distancing hellos with family and friends. Joining a weekly cook off with others in my community. As well we have been going for walks around the neighbourhood and having picnics in the park. Doing these have definitely helped. I try to change it up every week but some days are much harder then others.
ElderFlower Doula 